Jupiter drops (two).
There’s this co-worker I no longer share an office with which is probably for the best, since she didn’t really like my music. (Still doesn’t. Except the Ella.) She’d mutter about those fake Russian lesbians or that creepy Scottish guy (I think it was “Scottish Lips” was how she knew he was Scottish) and the Bollywood (though the Bollywood was okay, maybe a little funny, and you never know what they’re singing about), and maybe she had a point about how hard it was to work to Muslimgauze. (Before her, before I ripped our entire collection to a 60-gig drive the size of my hand, the guy I used to share the office with brought his CDs and I brought my CDs and we’d trade off and that’s how I learned about RJD2 and Sigur Rós and how he learned about Godspeed You! Black Emperor and Robin Holcomb, maybe.)
But the thing she really hated was the mashups. —She didn’t like covers in general, really; she wanted the platonic ideal, the ultimate Joe Meek effect, the one you hear on Akashic radio, and I can sometimes see her point: I’ve never been so disappointed as when I sat down to listen to Vladimir Ashkenazy’s rendition of Sibelius’ Fifth and found the sombre joy in the face of the inevitable that builds to those staggering, heart-stopping beats at the end of the third movement transformed to something nameless, brusquely middle-management, impatient to be done and up and on to the next. (It’s Lorin Maazel and his Wiener Philharmonik you’ll be wanting.) —But the mashups really got her goat: the look on her face, say, when Kelis starts rapping about her milkshake over Brian May’s crunch?
I believe I’ve mentioned these days I work in a document coding shop? Back when I was still out on the floor, back before iPods and iTunes, or at least their ubiquity, somebody set up a tinny little radio and left it tuned to this soft rock station day in, day out to help us get through the tedium of day in, day out data entry. —I still get this uncontrollable tic whenever I hear the opening bars of “Drops of Jupiter.”
Jupiter drops (some context).
It is told to us by a long and unbroken isnaad of men of good character, known for their memories and their precision, that the Prophet (may the blessing and peace of Allah be upon him) has said: “There will certainly be those among my ummah who will allow fornication and silk, wine, the playing of musical instruments. Some of these people will stay at the side of the mountain and they will keep flocks of sheep. When a beggar comes in the evening to seek alms of them, they will say to him, ‘Come back to us tomorrow.’ And during the night, Allah will let the mountain fall down upon them, and others he will transform to apes and swine. They will remain as such until the Day of Resurrection.” —This is found to be neither odd nor faulty.
The fact that listeners hear the same emotion in a given musical score is something a Neanderthal crooner might have exploited. Music can manipulate people’s emotional states (think of liturgical music, martial music or workplace music). Happy people are more cooperative and creative. By fostering cooperation and creativity among bands of early, prelanguage human ancestors, music would have given them a survival edge. “If you can manipulate other people’s emotions,” says Prof. Mithen, “you have an advantage.”
—Sharon Begley, “Caveman crooners may have aided early human life”
Early in the twentieth century, however, the new science of industrial efficiency management was electrified by the discovery made at an indoor bicycle race held in 1911 at the old Madison Square Garden in New York. A brass band was part of the entertainment, and statisticians clocking the race discovered that cyclists’ average speeds shot up by about ten percent during the band’s sets. Five years later, a commercial laundry experimented with playing ragtime records; productivity increased dramatically when ironing was done in time to the music. In 1922, the Minneapolis post office tried playing records in its night sorting room and found that sorting errors fell.
By 1930, many American factories provided some sort of music, either live or phonograph, and the numbers of workplaces where music was supplied increased steadily…
—Nick Humez, “Muzak,” the St. James Encyclopedia of Pop Culture
The important thing about music from an Islamic view is that music expresses, or seeks to express, emotion. The purpose of music, when performed or recorded, is to produce an emotion, or emotions, in the listener—to affect the listener.
Islam is concerned about music because : (1) Islam believes that human emotions should be controlled because this control of our emotions is demanded of us by Allah (tabarak wa’tala)—it is what makes us human, and civilized, and enables us to remember Allah (tabarak wa’tala), and so access and maintain the numinous (the sacred) in our own lives; (2) listening to or playing (or re-producing) music on instruments or musical devices involves a lack of control because the music is the product of someone else’s mind and/or emotions and in the vast majority of instances is un-numinous: that is, it is profane, and seldom if ever is a remembrance of Allah (tabarak wa’tala); instead, music mostly conspires to distance us from Allah (tabarak wa’tala): it is mostly entertainment; distraction; frivolity; and mostly, in the modern world, a representation of what is Shaitanic—lust, greed, self-indulgence, pride, arrogance, loss of self-control.
The point is that music is a human construct, a human creation, and when we respond to music we are responding to or being influenced by this human attempt at creation. This applies even if a piece of music is an attempt at some sort of “communication” rather than an overt, obvious, expression of emotion; the music is still a human construct, and it is still an attempt to convey something fallible: someone else’s ideas, concerns, beliefs, notions, limited understanding or whatever. This also applies even—particularly—if the music is considered “religious”: that is, it is an attempt to re-present something of the sacred, the divine. In this case, there is a reliance on someone else’s perception or understanding of the sacred, the divine, and this is and always will be imperfect, error-prone and ultimately unnecessary. For Islam believes that the perfect perception, the perfect understanding of the sacred, the divine, already exists—in the Holy Quran, and the example of the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Thus, music—of whatever kind—is itself at best irrelevant and unnecessary, and at worst, a distraction, a path away from Allah (tabarak wa’tala), and a denial of that self-restraint which makes us human.
—Abdul Aziz, “Why Music is Haram”
When I was thirteen, I had a friend who was in his twenties. He began helping my father, who was in charge of our youth group. The music he listened to was wrong, and as I became closer to this guy, I began to listen to his music and began to get deeper into it. Finally, it was to the point that it no longer satisfied the flesh and I wanted more. So I then started to listen to regular, secular rock music, and it caused moral failure in my life.
I would warn anyone who would experiment with “Christian rock” not to do so, or it is likely that the same result would happen to them. Thank you!
—a 16-year-old student from Michigan
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo—
Jupiter drops (one).
I used to work in the Rax in Oberlin, Ohio, and one day I went to the manager to complain. I pointed to one of the factoids printed on the paper placemats they used to line the cafeteria trays. “It says you play soft rock, or jazz, or whatever.”
She looked at it. “Yeah,” she said.
“Not muzak.”
“Yeah,” she said.
“It specifically says you don’t play muzak.”
“I see that,” she said.
“You’re playing muzak,” I said. It was true. They were. I can’t remember what song was playing because that was the point, or it used to be the point. You know what I’m talking about.
She shrugged. —I got the skinny later: you subscribe to Muzak, like cable television. Literally pipe it in. The Rax had taken over the building from some other fast-food brand, Arby’s or some such, and the muzak system was already in place, wired up, switched on, chirping away. Nobody knew which particular service and nobody knew where the controls were and it would have been too expensive to rip the speakers out and anyway the stuff was bland and inoffensive and nobody ever got a bill, so why not? We’d close for the night, mop up, wipe down, just two of us and the echo of some airless afternoon in Van Nuys when some Nelson Riddle second-stringers phoned it in for a little mad money. We’d shut off the lights and lock the doors and leave the syrupy strings to serenade a dark and empty restaurant.
And, being troubled with a raging tooth,
I could not sleep.
I’m telling you right up front: I have no idea what this means.
Apparently, oneiromancers find it to be (by far) their most popular request: tell me what it means to dream of losing my teeth. They fall out, she says, and I try to catch them in my hands and I can’t. I start to say something, he says, and they turn to dust and blow away. He kisses you and they shake loose in your mouth and you swallow one and it catches in your throat. I spit them out one by one onto an empty plate and wake up in a cold sweat. —Wouldn’t you?
“Teeth represent our ‘bite’ or our aggressive/assertive nature. When we can’t get our teeth into something it suggests we have little control. Please contact me so we can discuss this matter further. If you dial +1866 286 5095, follow the prompts, and dial in PIN code 032, I shall assist you.”
I always feel a little guilty for not liking China Miéville more than I do. Maybe it’s because I’ve only ever tried to read Perdido Street Station, which comes off like Clive Barker on a Warhammer bender? —I should really try to read more, I think to myself, at least finish the thing, so I pick it up again after having set it aside for a good long while, ignoring for a moment the piece of paper that flutters out (I’m always using odd bits of paper as bookmarks—receipts, bus transfers, that sort of thing), and read “The hovels that encrust the river’s edge have grown like mushrooms around me in the dark,” and I sigh, heavily. (Oh, to rise above this to not smell this filth this dirt this dung to not enter the city through this latrine but I must stop, I must, I cannot go on, I must.) Well, ought, maybe. —That internal monologue comes to a stop soon enough, thank God, and the book settles into a third-person past tense that’s, well, redolent of Imajica. Sigh.
But I did pick it up just the other day, in an attempt to refresh my memory on certain points to be made later, and a piece of paper did flutter out, one of those things I’d tucked into the book when I’d last been reading it, and I picked it up and had one of those moments when the world cracks, when you’re presented with evidence of something you’d not so much forgotten as never bothered to think about again when thinking about the things around it. (Comes to much the same.) —I got on the train and went to work and heard the news and stood there, stunned, and shook my head; and then I went to the dentist. I had an appointment, you see. —Later, we bought newspapers.
Planes?
“Beware, not all tooth dreams are symbolic. Once in a while a tooth dream is telling you to get yourself to the dentist’s chair.” Sure, fine, but I’m telling you: I have no idea what this means.
Say: Who hath forbidden the beautiful (gifts) of God, which He hath produced for His servants, and the things, clean and pure, (which He hath provided) for sustenance?
“Except,” Babe the Blue Ox; “Complainte Pour Ste Catherine,” Kirsty MacColl; “Read, Eat, Sleep,” the Books; “Stone,” Cibo Matto; “Avignon,” Chuck Coleman; “Mimi on the Beach,” Jane Siberry; “Qu’ran,” Brian Eno, David Byrne; “Robin Hood,” Momus; “Bloodletting,” Concrete Blonde; “Let Me Be Your Liquor Man,” the Minni-Thins.
You can't die for the life of you.
“Sympathy for the Almighty,” The Kleptones; “Baltimore,” Lyle Lovett; “Hunter’s Kiss,” Rasputina; “Let Me Love You Up,” Sophie B. Hawkins; “Segue in C,” Duke Ellington & Count Basie; “Alech Taadi,” Khaled; “The Prince,” Madness; “Too Hot to Hold,” Big Ella; “Pickapart,” John Butler Trio; “Right Out in the Street,” Steve Espinola.
I do think there is a tendency on the part of some on the left to criticize conservative politicians on the basis of their religious views.
“Church,” Lyle Lovett; “Orleans Parish Prison,” Johnny Cash; “Angel,” Massive Attack; “Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps,” Doris Day; “The Choring Song,” Jeannie Robertson; “Good Tradition,” Tanita Tikaram; “Sugartooth,” Arms; “Minion,” Toenut; “I Tried to Believe,” Robin Holcomb; “S’on me regard; Prennés i garde; Hé, mi enfant,” Anonymous 4.
My, what a week it’s been.
“Can’t Stop Killing You,” Kirsty MacColl; “Miss Otis Regrets,” Ella Fitzgerald; “True Individuals,” Arms; “My Mother was a Chinese Trapeze Artist,” the Decemberists; “Everything I’m Not,” The Veronicas; “Exchange,” Massive Attack; “So Straight and Slow,” Robin Holcomb; “Spirit,” the Waterboys; “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard,” Paul Simon; “Cornflower Blue,” Lara Michell.
Lady Day, Lady Time, and a Big Blue Ox.
“Each Little Thing,” Sharon Shannon; “Above the Treeline,” Jane Siberry; “I Didn’t Know What Time it Was,” Billie Holiday; “Stompin’ at the Savoy,” Benny Goodman; “The Book I’m not Reading,” Patty Larkin; “My Romance,” Bill Evans Trio; “Breathe,” Babe the Blue Ox; “Swingin’ Shepherd,” Ella Fitzgerald; “Mon Chien s’Appelle Stop,” Chenard Walcker; “Any World (That I’m Welcome To),” Steely Dan.
In which Our Hero is once more forcibly reminded just how annoyed he can be by Spider Robinson.
Butler: I’ve wondered, and this may be the audience to put this question to, what the likelihood is of a future in which reading is no longer necessary for the majority of the people. I don’t much like the look of that future, but I wonder if when computers, for instance, can be addressed verbally, can be spoken to, whether it will still be necessary for people to be able to read and write. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Burstein: Well one of the things that I was recently reading was an essay by Spider Robinson which points out that reading is actually difficult. He was walking along the street in his hometown, and I think it was in Vancouver, where he saw that somebody had written on a piece of sidewalk and immortalized in stone a nice big heart with the names “Tood and Janey forever.” He couldn’t believe that anybody in this society would go to the lengths of naming their son “Tood.” So his only conclusion was that young Todd didn’t know how to spell his own name, and what he found to be worse was that this is somebody who is old enough to have the hots for Janey and possibly produce progeny and yet he cannot spell his own name.
There’s a lot that annoys in Robinson: his glibly superior voice; his tin ear for moral tone; his deplorable attitudes toward sex and gender; his overindulgence in appalling puns. But the failure of imagination involved above? —Perhaps our graffitist, known for the rather large chip on his (or her) shoulder, perfers to spell their nickname as Tood rather than the more grammatically correct ’Tude? Perhaps, unused to the medium of wet concrete, Todd shaped the first “D” poorly, and didn’t stick around to fix it because he was scared of getting caught? Perhaps the light was failing as Robinson took this particular constitutional? Perhaps he leaped from under a looming deadline to an otherwise untenable point he needed to fill out his Y Tood Kant Reed column for the Globe and Mail?
I’ve won hundreds at the track, but I’m not betting on the afterlife.
“The Big Guns,” Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins; “Fortune Presents Gifts Not According to the Book,” Dead Can Dance; “Mercury,” Heidi Berry; “Behind You All the Way,” Steve Espinola; “Picnics,” Monk & Canatella; “Kayleigh,” Marillion; “Bacalo Con Pan,” Irakere; “God Will,” Holly Cole Trio; “Walter Carlos,” Momus; “Amazed,” Poe.
You know it’s Friday when you wake up and it’s another Friday entirely and then you wait until it’s almost Saturday as it is.
“Music on the Floor, II,” Michael Torke, the London Sinfonietta; “Trumpets and Violins,” Suburban Kids with Biblical Names; “Between the Shadows,” Loreena McKennitt; “Oh, Lady Be Good,” Ella Fitzgerald; “Iced Lightning,” RJD2; “Strange,” the Soft Boys; “Four of Two,” They Might Be Giants; “Bungalow,” XTC; “Footsteps,” Brian Eno and John Cale; “We’re All Loaded (Whiskey Made Me Drunk),” Rosco Gordon.
Someone’s trying to tell me something—
“The Lady o’ the Dainty Doon-By,” Jeannie Robertson; “I’ll Come Running,” Chica + The Folder; “One More Colour,” Jane Siberry; “Moonglow,” Billie Holiday; “Under the Ivy,” Kate Bush; “Glad Tidings,” Van Morrison; “Wun’erful, Wun’erful! Side Uh-2,” Stan Freberg; “Gut Feeling; Slap Your Mammy,” Devo; “Sexy Hypnotist,” Luscious Jackson; “Finale B,” Rent.
Further technical notes.
I was with DreamHost; now I’m with A Small Orange.
I was using WordPress; now I’m using Textpattern.
You do the math.
—Yes, feeds are not where they were. Working on it. Yes, permalinks are a bit wonky, if by “bit wonky” you mean “every link to longstoryshortpier.com out there in cyberspace has just been deprecated.” I’ll get ’em back. There’s this one little bit I’ve got to copy from a table in one MySQL database to another. If you know the SSH syntax to handle that sort of thing, hey. BFF.
...his power will be broken, the panoply of his office scattered, his house razed...
Oh, hey. I’d forgotten all about what Tom DeLay said when the tsunami hit.
Well aren’t we peppy today.
“Mokona-Ondo de Pupupu-no-pu (Puu’ing to the Mokona-Ondo),” the Magic Knight Rayearth soundtrack; “Walkabout,” the Sugarcubes; “Do Re Mi,” Ken and the New Incredibles; “Bonanza,” the Books; “Panic,” the Smiths; “Clarissima,” Jocelyn Montgomery; “The King and Queen of America,” Eurythmics; “I,” Pizzicato Five; “Train Song,” Holly Cole Trio; “Stacks,” Pulp.
Ceci n’est pas une prom dress.
Yes, that’s a real prom dress. No, it’s not on backwards. Here’s a photo from its native environment:
It bubbled up into the froth of the Zeitgeist about a year ago; you can read more about it in this Wizbang! thread, or this thread over at Go Fug Yourself, and one might find a diverting yet instructive ten minutes or so in comparing the tones and tenors of the two. (One might also find a diverting yet distractive ten minutes or so in perusing the catalog, if only to appreciate the way the bridal models are each paired with a tastefully naked hunk.)
Now, the reason I posted the picture back then was bubbling next to it in the froth: the story of Kelli Davis, who wanted to wear a tuxedo top for her high school senior picture, and not the drape-and-pearls the girls were supposed to wear; “She said she was uncomfortable to have her chest exposed in the photo,” as one news report put it. (And those who find the juxtaposition of the two a tad hyperbolic—
—are invited to ponder the designer’s koan: “He openly admitted that he would die before he let his own daughter out of the house like that, but said that ‘prom styles are very sexy’ these days and ‘girls want to look sexy like their favorite celebrities.’”)
Anyway: tough, said the principal, who banned the photo. Tough, said Clay School Superintendent David Owens, who went on to say, “There’s a dress code to follow—a dress code expected for senior pictures in the yearbook, and she chose not to follow them. It’s just that simple.”
Apparently, the use of tasers in schools is also just that simple; corporal punishment, however, not so much, because “We’re living in a sue-happy society these days.” —Kelli Davis threatened to sue, by the way, and even if she didn’t get her senior picture, Clay County girls from here on out can wear the tux, and boys the drape; the settlement reached mandates the school board “change its senior portrait policy, add sexual orientation to its non-discrimination policy for both students and teachers, distribute a copy of the new non-discrimination policy to all secondary school students, provide annual non-discrimination training that includes sexual orientation to all faculty and staff, and provide diversity training that includes sexual orientation to all junior high and high school students in the district.” —Which is maybe why a Clay County high school subsequently banned a student editorial called “Homosexuality is Not a Choice.” (Aw, cut ’em some slack. Rome wasn’t unbuilt in a day.)
As to why I’m bringing this up a year later? Beyond the fleeting pleasures of follow-up (and schadenfreude)? —Go to Google, bring up the image search, enter “prom dress.” You’ll see something like this:
Which is maybe why since I restarted the stat counter hereabouts, I’ve discovered that searches for “prom dress” constitute forty freaking percent of my traffic.
Anybody know how to unjuice Google?
