Dennis Miller: Tax and spend liberal!
In a surprise move guaranteed to confound those who’d counted on Dennis Miller’s acerbic wit to lend a certain cultural legitimacy to the Bush administration and its lack of a popular mandate, the former SNL anchorman recently spoke in favor of not just rolling back the Bush tax cuts, but raising taxes—across the board.
In the course of a broader discussion of his politics, Miller said “he’d like to keep a dollar out of every two he makes.”
This would, of course, translate to a tax rate of 50%. The highest federal tax rate at the moment is 35%. American families near the median of income distribution currently pay one dollar in taxes for every four dollars they make.
Though it would mean an increase in taxes for almost every single American, the Miller Tax of 50% could easily raise enough money to eradicate budget deficits currently plaguing state governments, as well as address the structural deficits built into future federal budgets. It would also go a long way towards fully funding such underperforming Bush administration programs as No Child Left Behind, Americorps, the Department of Homeland Security, and the War on Terror, as well as help assuage fears of looming crises in Social Security and Medicare—yet it would be a far cry from the 1950s top tax rate of 94%.
But a tax increase of this magnitude would work against the avowed goals of many of Miller’s newfound allies on the right, such as Grover “Drown it in a Bathtub” Norquist, who has compared progressive taxation to the Holocaust. Still, the Miller Tax is a flat tax, and so would presumably avoid that particular criticism.
As of this writing, Mallard Fillmore could not be reached for comment.
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Miller is unfunny apologist for Criminal Reactionary Shrimp Chub Bush.
Politburo will consider appropriate punishment for him.
I'm so proud: as of this moment right now where I'm typing this out, this page right here is the number one hit on Google for "tax and spend liberal." Hey, everybody: drinks on the house!
(No, that's not an actual, redeemable offer. It's a Muppet Movie in-joke. Whaddaya think, I'm made of money or something?)