Go to content Go to navigation Go to search

We are all Frank Grimes now.

Grimey.Oh, I, I can’t stand it any longer. This whole country is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah! I can be crazy too! Look at me, I am a partisan hack, just like the Bush administration! I can obstruct the 9/11 commission and selectively release classified documents to make critics look bad! Give me votes! Ooh, I totally skimp on securing ports and supporting first responders, but nobody minds! I’m secretly plotting a war without telling Congress or the Secretary of State. Support me! Now I’m sending the armed forces into battle with armor they bought on eBay. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m the Bush administration! I don’t need to worry about jobs or the economy or health care, ’cause someone else will suffer. D’oh! D’oh! D’oh! Ha ha! I’m better than okay! I’m the Bush administration! I’m the worst presidency ever! Time to go openly rig the world’s oil market for an October surprise. What’s this? A lazy mediasphere ruled by an embedded punditocracy? Well, I don’t need to worry about the fact that I speak French fluently, because I’m—

Sorry. Something just snapped. (All due apologies to John Swartzwelder, who wrote “Homer’s Enemy.”)

  1. sennoma    Apr 20, 06:41 AM    #
    Oh dear $deity, I do wish you hadn't linked that piece about Kerry's French. I'd managed not to know about that. That's really really really depressing. (I muddle along with just enough German to make an ass of myself and not even enough Spanish to understand the announcements on the suburban trains -- even though I promised myself I'd learn the de facto second language of my new home, and I've been here more than a year. I admire and envy the multilingual at least as much as I resent the rotten eggheads for making me feel stupid.)

  2. Glenn P.    Apr 20, 07:47 AM    #
    Release the robotic hounds that shoot bees from their mouths!

    Excellent.

  3. Stefan Jones    Apr 20, 10:09 AM    #
    Careful, there's a FRANK GRIMES JUNIOR out there who can still cause trouble.

    Hmmm, actually, he'd probably be Frank H. Grimes, since Frank H.W. and Frank W. are taken.

    Hmm, in case the Bureau of Doctrinal Purity and Reeducation someday scans the web archives for past evidence of ideological unhygiene, a disclaimer:

    You all just hate are freedoms and democracy and love Saddam!

  4. Prentiss Riddle    Apr 20, 12:25 PM    #
    Do you want to add to the list that his wife is a furriner? From Africa, no less.

    In Brazil they're relishing the idea of Lula and his wife speaking Portuguese to the First Lady.

    I briefly Googled for an appropriate link to Teresa Heinz Kerry but the first screenful is all hateful trash. Somehow the pit bulls of the right manage to slam her for claiming an African identity and at the same time slam the African-American critics who didn't like it either.

  5. Elkins    Apr 20, 03:48 PM    #
    Yes, thank you for that. The bill for the replacement keyboard will be in the mail.

    And you owe me a cup of coffee, too.

  6. the american street    Apr 21, 09:41 PM    #
    I need a Lift; these folks responded
    Smatterings

  7. Ray    Apr 24, 05:49 AM    #
    Since late 2001, I've thought of Bush as Homer and the United States as Grimes, but I never wanted to tell anyone because it would be too frightening if they agreed.

    And it is.

  8. Eric    May 28, 06:11 AM    #
    moron

  9. From the future    Jan 21, 10:45 AM    #

    This is just sad.


  Textile Help